Friday, May 25, 2012

You cant just blog the good

I didn't know how to title this post and it has taken me so long to write it
It has taken me almost six months to even process the pain of losing a friendship that meant so much to me 
I struggled with the idea of sharing such a personal story but my blog is my life and I don't want to only share the good
We all have days of rain along with the days of sunshine!

I have always strived to be a good friend and be available for my friends when they need me. I have never been perfect and I am sure I owe an apology for times when l have let them down

I realized when I had my surgery that  I have such sweet friends and family ! They called , dropped by with meals,or to vacuum, or just sent a text asking how I was. And all those outstretched arms meant the world to me! They were my lifeline and I said before I don't know how I would have gone through without their love and encouragement.
But  I never heard from my best friend
I got more texts from the guys at my work than I did my very best friend?  After a couple months she finally text me and said she had been busy and wanted me to call her

I couldn't....

I text her and told her I was just too hurt to reach out. She text me back "why"

She finally called and we hashed it out and I tried to explain my hurt reminding her when she had her surgery how I drove up to take her to lunch and called her almost every day to see how she was doing She apologized and said she had just been so busy...
I get that
I do
But inside I kept thinking If you are too busy for your friends
You are too busy
She has often gone underground and we have gone months without talking because her life gets so "crazy" and I always say its OK and we go on from there....

But this time it wasn't OK

When I needed that friendship more than any time in my life,  I had to figure out why I didn't have it. Where was my friend? Why didn't she even once call?   

I decided to have my heart break once by walking away then to stay and have it broken over and over again. I simply cant keep going back ! The last time we spoke she wanted my help with a project and she was going to call me with the decided time. I was going to put it all aside and start fresh again....She never called 
That was January...
This is May
She doesn't know about Beckham...She doesn't know about Steve's new job...
She doesn't know that I have cried  with missing her so much that I thought my heart would break

But I am getting better. I am learning to live without her as hard as it has been

But there are still days when I miss having a best friend!

I had a old mitt that was all broken in and wrinkly and was a part of my life for so long that it felt like part of my hand. It was always able to catch the balls of life. To think about breaking in a new mitt feels like too much work and it just wont ever be as comfortable. But I gotta do it because the game isn't over and there is much more life to play...
I have got to figure it out and I pray I will
There are no hard feelings, no un-forgiveness and I wish her and her sweet family all the best

And to you my friends who read my blog , If I ever make you feel like I am too busy to be the friend you need, please let me know
If you need a ride, a chat, a lunch out to share your heart
Please call me ....I am here for you
I will drop everything to be there
That's what friends are for


Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mothers Day Blessings!

What a great week it has been ! I thought of my mom so often and I found another dime so I know she was thinking about me : )  I went to the new Nordstrom rack here in town and while I was there Steve called to tell me that a job he applied for and we had been praying would come through did. They had just called him and offered him the position. I teared up right then and there because I knew how much he wanted it and he was trying so hard not to get his hopes up. After hearing the good news I decided to get him a pair of work pants, and as I went to pay there on the register was a dime! Seriously what are the chances??
Not a penny, not a quarter but a dime....
Another sweet blessing this week was my visit with Chad ,Ashlyn, Travis and Beckham! Poppa Steve came down with me and he and the boys golfed while Ashlyn got her hair done and I held that baby for three straight hours of bliss! He is soooo sweet, and he smiles like crazy now!  
We had so much fun with him! When the boys finished we all met up for dinner at Sammy' s for my  favorite grilled chicken salad!   The kids gave me beautiful cards that of course I had to read later by myself because they are so heartfelt and tender that I get overcome with emotion!
Ashlyn and Trav got me the most beautiful framed pic of Beckham and some wonderful night creme I have wanted since I saw it on Dr Oz. { I will let you know if when all my wrinkles disappear!} And Chad wrote me the most heartfelt letter that I will cherish my entire life! He is taking me to lunch this week for my gift!   
I love lunch dates with my boys
I cherished every minute of my Mothers Day celebration and sharing it with the sweet new momma  for her first mothers day!

asleep on my chest
proud poppa
Poppas hands

I miss my mom so much but am so thankful for the promise of seeing her again. And in the meantime I will love being a  YaYa knowing she taught me everything I know about unconditional love and spoiling them rotten with kisses and time! My boys learned so much from her. Friday when I saw Chads truck he had a case of water in the seat. He told me he likes to keep them there so he can give them to the homeless people when he sees them...
Yep he's his YaYa's boy !!!  
I reminded him that my mom would always have McDonalds gift certificates to give them and he thought that was a great idea. Wont surprise me one bit if I see those in his truck next time. 
The boy has a heart of gold...
So for all my blessings this Momma says Thank You!!!  
And for my sweet hubby who models everyday what it is to be a GREAT dad and husband and made me the Mom I always dreamt of being    

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Catchin up.....

Its been a while since I blogged and its always hard to catch up!
We had the BEST time with my brother and his family while they were here for a week
I ALWAYS cry like a baby when they leave and my house feels so much emptier. But we will all be headed to Nashville for a wedding in September!  We got to meet my nephews fiance Sam and she is darling. Fit right in and felt like part of the family right from the start 

We went to the wineries, had a picnic in Newport Beach,visited with family and friends and just enjoyed each others company.Aunt Mary came down with her photo box which was amazing!! She has so many candid shots of movie stars that she and my uncle Nick knew! The time flew by and I missed them the second they pulled out of the driveway!
After they left we had a fun party with the bunco girls with one of our founding friends who was visiting from Colorado .These girls have truly become like sisters to me and we always have so much fun when we are together! The hubbies came too and we laughed late into the night...

I  also attended a beautiful bridal shower for Ashlyns sister who will be getting married in July. It was such a lovely day and of course Ashlyn had so many sweet details and everything looked spectacular!  I love Lia so much and am so excited for her and Chris to start their lives together!

We have been pretty busy, we added in a quick get away with my hubby and my brother Kens family. Chloe and I laughed about EVERYTHING like usual. She is so good for my soul and I love spending time with her doing just about anything! Kenny and Lindsay too are the kind of friends you never tire of !

And of course this little guy!

He literally is a part of my every waking thought. I love spending time with Travis's little family and am so thankful that Ashlyn embraces us and we feel so welcome. Poppa Steve even stops by after work sometimes because he misses him so much . Steve kept telling me to smell his shirt when he came home because it smelt like Beckham { he is the sweetest poppa and is quite smitten as well }  I get to spend the day with him this Friday and it will be the highlight of my week I am sure
Wishing you all many joys this week and moments of bliss
God is so good and we have so much to be thankful for!!